Killjoys at NASA cancel Doomsday

[james_davis_nicoll]

"Using updated information, NASA scientists have recalculated the path of a large asteroid. The refined path indicates a significantly reduced likelihood of a hazardous encounter with Earth in 2036."

Fools! Have they never read those books where by creating some false crisis, the steely-eyed rocket men get the money to properly develop manned (and girled) spaceflight for the betterment of Man?

Comments

[thesaucernews.livejournal.com]

...but they named it Apophis! Apophis! It would have been perfect! Now we're just gonna get hit by an asteroid without such an apocalyptically cool name, or just a serial number.

[james-nicoll.livejournal.com]

You know, it wouldn't be that hard to shift the closest approach 30,000 km closer to the center of the Earth, if we start now.

[thesaucernews.livejournal.com]

If the extinction of my species comes about due to the impact of Asteroid Petunia or something, it's just going to be embarrassing on top of everything else.

[http://users.livejournal.com/krin_o_o_/]

Yeah, that's gonna suck at the pearly gates:

"Next," calls out St. Peter.
"And your party would be?" he asks of a waterlogged soul.
"Victims of Hurricane Cassandra" replies the first in the huddled mass.
"Cassandra? That's 2031, the super storm right?"
"Yeah. That's us."
"How many in your party?"
"Fifty thousand and thirty-five souls, sir."
"Right, head on in and take the first left."
St Peter calls out "Next!" and looks down at a blasted charred mass.
"Hmm, and you would be?"
"Remains of the eastern hemisphere, we think..."
St Peter scatches his beard, "oh? Well, how did that happen?"
"Asteroid 2056p345, sir"
"What? 205... What was it's name again?"
"Didn't think it had one, sir"
"Right, how many in your party?
"About 6 billion..."
"Let me get this right, you expect me to believe that 6 billion souls died and nobody has a name for what did it?!"
The smoldering soul looks apologetic and says, "Well, I don't think anybody was left to give it a name."
"RIGHT! I've had enough of your cheek, all of you step over there and somebody will be along to deal with this."
St Peter sighs and mutters, "every generation, there's always a group of wise guys... Ever since that whole N1H5B24 thing."
"Next! And you would be?" he cries out.
"Western Hemisphere, sir. 4 billion."
St Peter looks up and sighs again, "Well, at least this looks like th last batch."