A game everyone can play!

[james_davis_nicoll]

When Paul Cook says

I’ll go ahead and say it: this is as close to an unpublishable novel as I’ve ever seen that’s actually achieved print.

he is talking about Niven and Benford's Bowl of Heaven. I deduce from this that he has never read the Tor edition of Norman Spinrad's He Walked Among Us or (oddly, also Tor) Ken Shufeldt's Genesis, which attracted reviews like

You want an example of how NOT to write a book? This is it. And every author who sold his soul to include a quote on the cover should be ashamed.

and

Quite possibly the worst book ever published. A couple of hours of my life that I'll never get back. Amazon, is there a reason I am forced to give it one star? It presumes that this book has some redeeming qualities.

What would be your candidate for the novel that is as close to an unpublishable novel as you've ever seen that actually achieved print?

Comments

[wild_irises]

Without a doubt, Ether Ore, by H. C. Turk.

Close second, Astra and Flondrix by Seamus Cullen. Though the dwarves having sex by women swooping down on trapezes onto their corkscrew-shaped cocks got us a lot of mileage in the bookstore--a free copy to anyone who could read that scene out loud without cracking up.

[rosefox]

Sweet Evil and The Gas by Charles Platt. (Due to the nature of the content, not the quality of the writing.)

[sami]

The da Vinci Code.

[threeringedmoon]

Any of the Laurell Hamilton books released in the past decade.

[jaylake.livejournal.com]

One assumes that "actually achieved print" in this context means through editorial acquisition in the trade press or reputable independent press? Because in this era of self-publishing, the answer to your question would be a phone book length list of ebook and POD titles that had never known the sweet caress of an editor or book designer.

[james-nicoll.livejournal.com]

Let us stick to traditional publishing.

[glaurung-quena.livejournal.com]

Can't think of any novels with which to play this game at the moment, sorry. However, regarding the linked review...

Does Larry Niven *ever* write anything anymore other than novels about BDOLTJTHtbH (Big Dumb Objects Larger Than Jupiter That Happen to be Habitable) anymore?

And is it any surprise given how ridiculously often he's returned to that particular well that it's gone bone dry by now?

[james-nicoll.livejournal.com]

Looking at books since 2000, it looks like an even split to me between Big Dumb Object novels and Not Big Dumb Object novels.

BDO
Ringworld's Children (2004)
Fleet of Worlds (2007) with Edward M. Lerner
Juggler of Worlds (2008) with Edward M. Lerner
Destroyer of Worlds (2009) with Edward M. Lerner
Betrayer of Worlds (2010) with Edward M. Lerner
Fate of Worlds: Return from the Ringworld (2012) with Edward M. Lerner
Bowl of Heaven (2012) with Gregory Benford

Not BDO
The Burning City (2000) with Jerry Pournelle
Saturn's Race (2000) with Steven Barnes
Building Harlequin's Moon (2005) with Brenda Cooper
Burning Tower (2005) with Jerry Pournelle
Escape from Hell (2009) with Jerry Pournelle
The Moon Maze Game (2011) with Steven Barnes
The Goliath Stone (2013) with Matthew Joseph Harrington

[resonant.livejournal.com]

Out Of The Dark, by David Weber. Several draft novellettes pasted together to meet a deadline.

Alien space puppies invade Earth, but are surprised because their probes from several hundred years ago showed knights-in-armour, rather than jet fighters. Yes, several paragraphs are identical to Turtledove's series with the same premise.

[so sad that the Soviet Union ended, I had some cool Fulda Gap battle plans]

Insert ground combat sequences against the puppies in Europe using NATO and Warsaw Pact inventories and techniques from the '80s. The space puppies were technologically advanced enough to bring enough troops across interstellar distances to fight all the armies of Earth, but still had foot soldiers (paw soldiers?) armed with manually-aimed chemical-propellent projectile weaponry. And no sensor packages more advanced than eyeballs and furry ears.

[Can't forget the US market]

Insert survivalists living in a cave in the southeastern US, in a plotline that suddenly stops with no resolution. And unlike Chekov's gun on the mantlepiece, the cave never gets used.

[hey wait, this Twilight thing is popular]

Then COUNT DRACULA appears. He turns the humans into vampires, which (because they don't breathe), can ride into orbit the outside of the space puppy launch vehicles, and then the vampires devour everyone in their spacecraft. The vampires don't have to worry about the sun, as they only go into cis-lunar space at night.

[zibblsnrt.livejournal.com]

Alien space puppies invade Earth, but are surprised because their probes from several hundred years ago showed knights-in-armour, rather than jet fighters. Yes, several paragraphs are identical to Turtledove's series with the same premise.

Yow, even by the standards of traditional storyline copying that's unsubtle.

Did he at least change the characters' names?

[http://users.livejournal.com/krin_o_o_/]

“Worse Book Ever Published”

That's a bit of a stretch. I'm positive readers here can think of much worse ones. I'll start the ball rolling by nominating the rapetastic first book of the Covenant series.

Don't hold back folks, vent that hard won bitterest experience!
(Only nominate ones you've actually READ!)

RE: A game everyone can play!

[disassembly_rsn]

I think Gawron's Algorithm is still a contender for that. I was curious enough about its horrible reputation to pick it up used and very cheap once, but couldn't get into it enough to offer fair comment about it.

[http://users.livejournal.com/krin_o_o_/]

Anything by Ayn Rand is disqualified on the grounds that if that's the worse you've seen published, you need to get thee to a library!

[resonant.livejournal.com]

The names changed, as space puppies have different vocalizations than space lizards. And unlike his homage to Alexander Kent's "Sloop of War", Weber changed the dialogue too.

I'm NOT suggesting plagiarism at all, but it is too identical to be great minds thinking alike. He probably read the books, had the ideas stick in his mind, and forgot the source.

Re: A game everyone can play!

[james-nicoll.livejournal.com]

Has anyone ever actually finished that one?

[james-nicoll.livejournal.com]

I read a terrible space opera that as far as I could tell took some no-name Clavell wanna-be's book about Chinese pirates and pulled a Bat Dursten on it.

[cmattg.livejournal.com]

I thought that was the Chung-Kuo books.

[pperiwinkle.livejournal.com]

"Wizard's First Rule"

Do I really need to go into why?

[james-nicoll.livejournal.com]

Not that good. The book I am thinking read like someone did a quick S&R and then published the result.

[hawkwing-lb.livejournal.com]

Sullivan, Michael J. The thing I reviewed.

Weber, Out of the Dark. Did not finish.

Rod Rees, The Demi-Monde: Spring. Jiggling untethered breasts. "NuJus" with a "Book of Profits". Secret cabal of vampire Nazis. Alternate reality simulation.

[mindstalk.livejournal.com]

Isn't Building Harlequin's Moon about building a Big Dumb Object? Granted it's a planet (well, habitable moon) but still.

Hadn't even heard of the others on the non-BDO list.

[mindstalk.livejournal.com]

Overall that does sound pretty dreadful, however

The space puppies were technologically advanced enough to bring enough troops across interstellar distances to fight all the armies of Earth, but still had foot soldiers (paw soldiers?) armed with manually-aimed chemical-propellent projectile weaponry.

doesn't strike me as absurd. Just because you can use nuclear or conversion technologies for space travel doesn't mean you can apply them to infantry.

[michael a. davis (from livejournal.com)]

"NuJus" with a "Book of Profits"

Whaaaaat?

[hawkwing-lb.livejournal.com]

I encourage you to verify my claims, if you doubt me.

(WTF. That book.)

[nathan helfinstine (from livejournal.com)]

No orbital observation to aid the "eyeballs and furry ears"? For that matter, they can get quality data from a probe on interstellar distance, but can't devise radar or thermal imaging? And no application of that nuclear or conversion power to weaponry, whether orbital artillery or man-portable railguns?